This, is me. Unashamedly. Fearlessly. Me.

Know Him

Mon, 13 May 2013 15:09:20 -0600

“But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them—bringing swift destruction on themselves. Many will follow their depraved conduct and will bring the way of truth into disrepute.” (2 Peter 2:1-2)

When I read this passage, I thought, how can people “secretly” introduce destructive heresies into the church? How is it secret? Wouldn’t we know and recognize it if these heresies denied God’s truth and love, and the sole Lordship of Christ? And then God reminded me of a bitter pill. It is hard to swallow with water, when the horrible taste is left to swim in your mouth. But drown it down with juice or a sweet milk and you don’t even notice it. And it’s the same in life. The false truths are covered in words that appeal to our flesh, that sound good to our human ears. It is wrong for those who twist God’s truth; destruction is on its way. But shame on US as Christians for not knowing God’s word well enough to refute it and help correct others! We need the Holy Spirit to lead us. Forgive us God. Do a work in our hearts. Help us to trust in You and know Your word so that we could grow as Your bride, and ultimately KNOW you Lord. It is not too late to start today!

I just finished the awesome movie August Rush, and this is the...

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 00:47:13 -0600

I just finished the awesome movie August Rush, and this is the song they play at the end as the credits roll. “Someday” by John Legend…no words.

A-mazing! The power and affect that music has on us, and on the...

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 00:39:20 -0600

A-mazing! The power and affect that music has on us, and on the human brain is mind-blowing. This man was unresponsive for years, and….you just have to watch it :) YouTube “Man in nursing home reacts to hearing music from his era”.

Waiting expectantly with hope

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 04:13:56 -0600

Waiting expectantly with hope

Reflection on a Year's Past

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 04:05:12 -0600

12:39 AM

So I’m laying here in my bed, fighting the urge to go to sleep. It’s way past my bedtime. Yes. I Adrianna, the infamous night owl, have a bedtime now. Waking up early to teach a bunch of energetic second graders will do that to you :)

I could push it off till tomorrow, but know that if I do these thoughts may float away into another day’s after-thoughts. I feel the urge to write. I know I NEED to. So despite my ever persistent yawns, I will write.

This school year is almost over. Like 7 more weeks and we are finished. With the end of my second year coming around the corner, I can’t help but reflect and think on the places I’ve been this last year and a half, and where I am now, and where God is leading me.

Flashback to a year ago.

In April of 2012, I was done. Burned out, dry like a piece of toast (as my favorite Greek man likes to say). I had had it with teaching, with Yuma, and I was ready to go back home. To St. Louis or Atlanta I didn’t know, but I knew that it wasn’t here. My first year of teaching was an absolute catastrophe. Most people describe their first year as being tough and failing a lot in different areas, but the word “failure” was an understatement. It pains me to even look back in old journal entries from last year. The words “forgotten”, “alone”, “empty”, “failed”, “mistake” and “burdened” are repeated constantly in the pages. I had taught at a very rough school with a group of very tough kids. I couldn’t connect with them or gain any respect from them. I either tried to show them that “I was the teacher and they have to listen” (kind of like a tyrant) or I did the opposite and tried too hard to please them, which laid my insecurities out on the table, along with everything else I tried to hide. I lacked support from my school, which made me believe that I wasn’t worth being invested in. I made countless mistakes and believed that teaching just wasn’t for me. I saw no need for anyone to see any value in me because I saw none in myself. And ultimately, I felt deserted by God, the One steady refuge in this world, even though I knew that He hadn’t deserted me.

I had to fight to rest and find fulfillment in the Lord. This was no mere trial; it was a battlezone. In my eyes my world was crumbling apart, and the enemy tried to keep my gaze there rather on God. My gaze would slowly begin to shift from our mighty God to my failures and circumstances. Yet NOTHING slips through His hands! I am sure many have been there too; the deep, dark tunnel that seems endless.

Yet,

even in the darkness I heard God whisper. Even in the rubble I could see His face.

I saw defeat while He saw pruning. I wanted to flee, and he said “Wait.”

I remember being so broken some days that all I could pray was ‘Wherever you want me to go Lord, I will go. Where you want me to stay, I will stay. This is not about me. It’s not my life. It’s yours. And I will gladly follow You, from now until eternity. No matter what You choose, I trust You.’

It was a tough spot. It wasn’t fun. But that brokenness was so sweet because it emptied me of my fear, my guilt, my eyesight, my SELF, and God was able to come in like a rushing flood, filling me with his Holy Spirit. The days that followed were still hard, but I was empowered beyond something I could have done. It is always God. He was/is our refuge, and we can ALWAYS be confident in Him. He cannot be shaken!

“Though an army encamp around me, my heart will not fear. Though war breaks out against me, yet I will be confident. One thing I have asked of the Lord, that I will seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock.” (Psalm 27:3-5)

His peace, the peace of Christ that we can rest in because He has OVERCOME the world, began to rest inside of me. As I began to follow God’s leading, He started to do a work in my heart. I was willing to leave my life, or my idea of what it should be behind, in exchange for His. And I was able to see bits and pieces of what He had been doing all along. I could never see the full picture; just a stroke here or a splotch of paint there. Slowly, He began to connect the dots…

Within two weeks, I was offered to teach a grade level I enjoyed at a new school, which has been a TREMENDOUS blessing. I love their energy, their kindness (most of them lol), their curiosity, their lack of inhibition. My kids are little bilingual explorers with big dreams :) They CHASE after truth, and bring laughter along with it. It’s cliche but I really learn so much from them about who they are, about myself, about how God sees us. I love what I get to do. It still has its difficult days (I can promise you that) but His grace is SO sufficient for us! I can’t fully comprehend it at times but it is. I hope to fully wrap my mind around it one day.

And in other ways, God just naturally aligned things together; with teaching, in ministry, with friendships and relationships that are constantly growing. Gosh, just thinking about my friends and family makes me smile. I truly love them. They all resemble the community found in Acts 2:42-47, and I only hope we can continue being a light to the world, along with the rest of the Body of Christ in the world. Yuma has softly grown on my heart too, and I can now GLADLY call it home (which I couldn’t do gladly at one point lol). But wherever I am called, and to whatever I am called to can change; I know WHO I am called to, which is my passion.

It’s now way past 2 in the morning, and I am not the least bit tired. Go figure lol.

But as this second year is coming to a close, I am reminded of God’s faithfulness. It continues on from generation to generation, and His unfailing love is constant. Worldly circumstances, though good or bad, do not affect our God. He affects them. With a breath from his mouth they can alter. Now THAT is a God who is unlike any other. I am only expectant with hope at what He is doing now and is going to do. He is GOOD, my friend :) I hope you know Him, and you know this.

#clearthestage #jimmyneedham. No words.

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 22:51:55 -0600

#clearthestage #jimmyneedham. No words.

Hold On

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 20:47:12 -0700

Sometimes not compromising means that you’ll be standing alone…and that’s okay. But take heart, because in Christ you are never alone. He is with you always, to the end of the age (peep Matthew 28:20)

Missouri Autumn weather. Oh, how I’ve missed you!...

Tue, 20 Nov 2012 17:07:06 -0700

Missouri Autumn weather. Oh, how I’ve missed you! Sometimes you don’t realize how good the little things are til they’re gone. For a while at least. 🍁🍃🌳🍂❤

God takes His time….but His timing is SO perfect. It’s amazing to look back on the years...

Mon, 05 Nov 2012 16:03:47 -0700

God takes His time….but His timing is SO perfect. It’s amazing to look back on the years where absolutely NOTHING made sense…all seemed bleak…the same prayers you prayed everyday seemed like they would never be answered….for strength…for family and friends….for healing….for direction…for grace…and then to look back now, and see how funny/faithful God is. There is no one like our God!

My favorite author. His creativity sparked a fire in me at a...

Sun, 23 Sep 2012 15:42:45 -0600

My favorite author. His creativity sparked a fire in me at a really young age. His books made me fall in love with reading, writing, and to never put a limit on the human imagination. #RoaldDahl (Taken with Instagram)

I'm Not Ashamed.

Sun, 16 Sep 2012 20:55:41 -0600

“For I am NOT ASHAMED of the GOSPEL, because it is the POWER of GOD that brings SALVATION to EVERYONE who BELIEVES.” - Romans 1:16

“Annie” by JohnnySwim. One of my favorites by this...

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 19:22:01 -0600

“Annie” by JohnnySwim. One of my favorites by this duo. Amazing.

The Right Time

Sat, 01 Sep 2012 14:46:49 -0600

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners,

Christ.
died.
for.
us.

Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him!

For if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!

-Romans 5:6-10-

Life. Singleness. My Thoughts

Wed, 01 Aug 2012 18:11:32 -0600

Disclaimer: This is by no means a venting session. I simply have some thoughts that I feel are worth sharing. My hope is that someone would be touched, or simply encouraged by it.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people don’t really talk about this subject deeply until after they’re married. Which makes me all the more inclined to share.

Okay. So I’ve been thinking. What if we have this wrong? Well, what if I have this wrong?

I’ve been pondering this subject a lot recently, and I feel like I have to say this.

Singleness is not a way for me to avoid adult responsibility, fulfill selfish desires, or “rebel against the standards of society by being single because i’m too much of a free spirit and prefer the term ‘partnership’ over submission and see marriage as a ball and chain where I will never be free.” (okay, that’s slightly exaggerated. But just go with it).

Let me explain.

Exactly a year and two months ago, I felt God leading me to be intentionally single. For 3 years. To some, that may seem like an eternity. At the time, I thought it was (Hey, just keepin’ it real). To me, this meant seeking God and His will for my life, focusing on what He has called me to do with this short time I have here on earth, without the distraction of a relationship. At the time I didn’t think I could share a life so intimately with someone if I was still figuring who I was, what I was called to do, etc. (Which I’ve learned is true to some point, but I’ve realized that we’re ALL still trying to figure things out).

Okay, so back to last year.

I had just graduated from Spelman College, an empowering and nurturing institution. Rather than feeling like I could conquer the world, I left feeling unsure. I didn’t know what I would be doing after graduation. And a few months prior, a serious relationship that I was in had ended. That was extremely hard and completely broke me emotionally and spiritually. Even for months afterwards, I was still feeling the effects of it: confusion, insecurities, anger, unforgiveness, you name it. I am happy to say that God has truly done a work in me since then and has dealt with all the mess. He has been faithful to his word. Believe Him when He says He is “close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18). In that pain was more pain, but I never felt distant from God. If anything, I felt Him even more.

So, shortly after graduation I got a call saying I had been accepted into a teaching fellows program. I was ecstatic. I was about to embark on a new journey to teach young kids in Yuma, AZ. Before then I didn’t even know what Yuma was. But I was excited.

So a couple weeks before I left, I was taking a shower and singing/talking/listening to God, and he told me to give my desire to be in a relationship to Him. He told me to give Him the next 3 years of my life in singleness and just SEE what He would do; the WONDERS that would unfold; the GROWTH that I would have; the FRUIT He would bear.

I thought He was crazy.

I started debating this with Him. Yes. I did. The conversation went something like this.

Me: “What?? No, that can’t be you, God. It must have been the water in my ear.
God: “I’m serious. Trust me. I want you to give me the next 3 years of your life in singleness.”
Me: “Come ON. Is this real? Are you serious?”
God: “Are you really going to ask me am I serious? When do I kid?”
Me: “Oh yeah, you’re right. Wow, three years? That’s a long time. How about two? I can do two. Maybe one and a half?”
God: “What are you so afraid of?”
Me: It’s just that it’s such a long time. I’ll be 25. That’s 5 years from THIRTY. What if I never meet anyone? What if all my friends are married and have families, and I’m still single? What if I realize that being married isn’t the end-all-be-all, and that it’s some worldly desire that I’ve been feeding into? That singleness is actually kinda cool? Badda badda badda. (my reasons went on and on).
God: A-ha. This is where you’re wrong. I’m not asking you to be single because I want to PUNISH you. I LOVE you. I’ve called you as my own. But I see that you’re still hurting. Your heart is SO precious to me. You can’t give a wounded heart to another person and expect it to heal. I want to fix it. You’ll find healing in me, only in me. Give me your heart, and I will give you mine instead. This won’t be painless, but I promise I’ll deal with the pain you have. You’ll find rest, and your heart will mend, better than it was before. You’ll find so much joy and satisfaction in me, you won’t want or need for anything else. Material things, human approval, a man, etc. Marriage in this world is temporary; but I am eternal. Remember, marriage is a beautiful institution that I’ve created for my glory, not for yours. Don’t desire it for the wrong reasons. So, when that time comes, for you to give your heart to your “thief” (reference to Brooke Fraser’s song “The Thief”. It’s poetic. And beautiful. I recommend you have a listen) I will give you the go. Your hearts will be so set on my Kingdom, that you’ll see your marriage is not solely for yourselves, but for the winning of souls.
Me: *Cricket, cricket* (and after a long pause) Yes. Yes, God. I don’t want to desire things that will distract me from you. I trust You. Whatever this looks like. Yes. I just want You.

So as you can see, my outlook on singleness was a dreary one at first. I thought it was for nuns and hippie weirdos. But since that day, my perspective has shifted DRAMATICALLY. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been hard at times. Seeing so many people who are beginning new relationships, or getting engaged/married when you’re single can be semi-disheartening. But then I’m reminded of His promise. And not only His promise to me on that “ordinary” day a year and two months ago, but the promises He speaks through His word. I am wonderfully made (Psalm 119); I am not forgotten (Hebrews 13:5); He chose me and will not reject me (John 6:37-40); His word will always prosper (Isaiah 55: 10-13); He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love (Psalm 145: 8); and so many more.

Each love story that He writes is perfectly composed in His way. Mine is waiting until the time is right, and that’s okay. I don’t mind waiting and am in no rush. So until then, and forever afterwards, I will keep seeking His kingdom first. Because that’s the most important.

I realize now that the purpose of me writing this was to point out that singleness isn’t an excuse to avoid responsibility and indulge your selfish desires or rebel against the status quo. I sidetracked and went far, far away from that point. My mistake.

So, in this journey of singleness, I have been blessed to be surrounded by an incredible group of people. The church that I attend in Yuma is full of peeps hungry for God, going out to make disciples in the nations. It’s incredible, and I’m glad I get to be a part of it.

However….(here it comes. Get ready)(Warning: the next statement is a very bare look at my heart. Remember, I’m human and struggle with humanly thoughts too)

At the end of some days, I found my heart becoming haughty. I admired (and still do) these men and women. But I would think to myself, “Man, glad I don’t have kids to deal with all the time” or “Wow, they do WHAT for their spouse? That’s so selfless.” or “I’m SO glad I live on my own and don’t have to answer to a husband or kids.” And my personal favorite: “I don’t know if I want to get married and have kids anymore. It’s SO much responsibility. I have to become dependable to people other than myself. And I have to set aside my own desires for my family’s. I think I would be better off single. I can spend my time and resources how I want and am free to march to the beat of my own drum.”

What the heck?????????????????

Who IS this person? Did I really just think those things?

Yes I did.

And I can’t believe I did. In my thinking process, I refused the idea of marriage and kids based off of what? Responsibility and selflessness. Independence. Comfort.

I LOVE kids. Absolutely love them. I’m a teacher for goodness sake (okay, that doesn’t really support my argument. We ALL knew that one teacher growing up who acted like they hated kids. But that’s not me). And I’ve always loved marriage God’s way. What is wrong with me?

At that point, I realized that I have some ways to go.

Yes, I was growing in my walk and in my purpose. But while gaining that, my pride was getting ahead of me, and I began losing the godly outlook on what the purpose marriage and kids have. I became a prideful, single gal who thought she “had it better” because I had no ties to a husband or some kids.

Isn’t that ridiculous?

I’m learning that I CONSTANTLY have to ask God to check my heart. Just like David asks in Psalm 139. If it’s not checked it gets out of control and starts growing weeds instead of purposeful trees. It becomes cluttered and can’t tell the difference between the good plants and the bad plants. Instead of an oasis, it becomes a junk yard.

I don’t want my heart to look like that. I just want it to look like Christ’s.

There is something INCREDIBLY beautiful about a relationship centered on Jesus. It is selfless. Purposeful. Enriching. Loving and forgiving. Empowering for the couple, encouraging for those watching. Even to those who aren’t believers, they know something’s different. It’s dripping with GOD. There’s really no other way to say it.

It’s okay to be a little afraid of new things, new relationships or new routines. However, the important thing is to not let that fear keep you from moving forward in the right direction. I’m still learning that, day by day.

I’ve touched on a couple things. But it looks like there may need to be a part two. Until then, God bless :)

~Dri

Desert Flower

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 16:07:53 -0600

Being in the desert is not a punishment or an abandonment from God. It’s moreso laying a foundation. Drawing nourishment from God alone. It’s the only way a plant becomes a strong desert flower. Though there’s little rainfall, it lives on the water it’s stored internally. It’s beauty rare; having adaptability to its surroundings. & even though it toils through the heat, it’s refreshed w/ the coolness of night. That, my friend, is not an abandoned plant. It’s a treasured one.

- my thoughts inspired by Jon Acuff’s post on being in the desert. Here is the link:
http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2012/07/i-want-destiny-not-a-desert/

"We lose our way we get back up again, It’s never too late to get back up again, One day you..."

Wed, 06 Jun 2012 11:48:48 -0600

“We lose our way we get back up again,
It’s never too late to get back up again,
One day you will shine again,
You may be knocked down but not out forever.”

- Tobymac

"When it’s time to walk that way we wanna walk it well."

Sun, 20 May 2012 00:07:17 -0600

““When it’s time to walk that way we wanna walk it well.””

- Brooke Fraser, “Love is Waiting”

I asked the Lord that I might growIn faith, and love, and every...

Sat, 12 May 2012 09:26:18 -0600

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.

Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining power,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry powers of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou mayest find thy all in Me.

-“I Asked the Lord” by Indelible Grace

"God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him."

Wed, 09 May 2012 14:41:00 -0600

“God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him.”

- John Piper

Shine

Tue, 08 May 2012 22:04:00 -0600

There’s a part of me that naturally wants to hide out and stay put when I find something new that I like. I can’t explain it. It could be a place, a hobby. It’s something that I constantly have to fight against. It goes like this-I find something new, it becomes my niche, and after a while it grows on me. I find comfort in it, and resist on letting it go. Meanwhile, while I’m insistent on holding on and becoming a hermit, God pulls at my security blanket and rips it from under me. He refuses to let me become this recluse that won’t share what I have with this world. When I’m fighting it, He tells me “No.” When I try to hold on, He tells me that it’s time to let go. And all the while, He whispers to me, “Shine, babygirl, shine” so reassuringly.